Let's catch up

Well, a lot has happened since January. We still live in West Jordan, and work at Lowe's but, Sophie now lives with my mom and is during somewhat better. She moved because she started chewing up Carter's things, like his blinds and the carpet under the door. She was being a pretty good dog, but then she started killing chickens. They are now working on making her a run so they can still keep her. So she will only be out when my dad is home.

Dalas moved in a few weeks ago, and he fills the last room in the house, making us have a person in every room. Dalas did take over Pippin's room, so Pippin likes hanging out with him a lot. He will sit and wait outside his door, even if Dalas is not home to let him in. With him moving in has made it easier to see each other, plan trips and dates. Even though we live together, we don't always see each other everyday. He has a set schedule and for the most part I do not. After telling my manager which shift I like working he changed my schedule. So for about the next two weeks, Dalas and I will almost have the same schedule. He'll start work an hour earlier but we'll get off at the same time. So we will see each other before and after..

Pippin is now a year old and still loves going to Lowe's. He has a route he does when we go. He kind of walks the perimeter of the store, and looks for certain people before he can say hi to everyone else. His favorite person works in receiving, and if we don't find him first, he is a grump the rest of the day. He enjoys car rides, even if its just to the gas station for a car wash. The older he gets the whiter his fur becomes, and he has developed white spots in his copper socks.

Earlier this year we went on a small girls trip to a small town in California and it was probably one of the best trips I had this year. We stayed in Edgewood, at a little Airbnb with a gorgeous view of Mt. Shasta. We went thrift shopping, walked around different towns, met some fun people, ate very good food and went on a hike. On the hike we went to see a waterfall (I've forgotten the name of it), the trail went right underneath the waterfall, close enough that we were able to drink from it. Only a few of us actually drank from it. But it was a fun experience. Following the trail it led to a lookout which is where we got to view a river. The hike wasn't very long but we got to walk around the town after.

We drove up there with our little sister, cousin, and mom. One of the main reasons for going was to go to Five Marys Burger House in Fort Jones. We follow Five Marys Farm on Instagram, and when we saw they had opened a restaurant, my mom and I wanted to go and try it. It was amazing and worth driving twelve hours. Overall we had a great time and did everything we planned on doing. It was such a great and relaxing vacation from work, stress, and having too much to think about.

We are currently planning the girls trip to somewhere else in California, this time our cousin is planning it, and I can't wait to see what we do next!

We got a puppy, We moved again, Sophie joined the family.

It's been a long time since this was updated. A lot has happened since October, if you don’t follow us on Facebook or Instagram, you wouldn’t know but, we got a dog. His name is Pippin (or Peregrin Took if you ask certain employees), he is a Silver Heeler with oddly round ears, and he is now six months old and last time I weighed him he was thirty pounds. We did have Niklaus and Lewi when we got Pippin. They hated us for it. A few months with all three made us realize that having Pippin was putting more stress on Klaus than needed. We thought about giving them up for adoption when our cousins mentioned that they were looking to get cats, so we talked to them, and took them over to get introduced to their new home. 

Because the first couple months we had Pippin, he played, learned, grew with the cats, he now will knead while he stretches, and grabs things, like a cat grabbing a toy. He oddly likes the toys with bells and feathers.

We’ve moved in with our two brothers, in West Jordan. We are still working at Lowe’s, it’s just a farther drive then before. Although our apartment was closer, the house we are in has a fully fenced yard, and more space for him and his things. It’s a five-bedroom house, and there are only four of us, so Pippin has his own room. There are now three dogs living here.

Carter’s dog is a familiar one, our work friend couldn’t keep her dog, Sophie, anymore. She is a one-year old Silver Heeler, who is Pippin’s older sister. She started misbehaving while our friend was at work. One day at work I asked how Sophie was doing and I was told that she was going to the pound, I told her to wait and I would find someone to take her. I then posted that she was looking for a good family, I also texted my brother to see if he would want her. A few messages later with a few people, and we now have Sophie, who is getting more used to being with two very energetic pups who like to run. Yesterday morning she woke me up to play with her. That just led to her and Pippin playing outside before we went to work.

That’s all that you missed!

Here are some pictures of our dogs!

Here are some of Sophie

This is Taylor's dog, Rallo

 This is my Pippin

This picture is his progression picture

Counseling

I started going to counseling to see if there was a way to, change what my mind was conditioned to think and do from an early age. Due to childhood trauma, in certain situations my first thought and reaction is to, hide. Hide and don’t be seen. If I hide and turn invisible I’ll be safe, if they can’t see me, I can’t get hurt. I do this because someone I have never met, had issues and had dealt with them very incorrectly.

I was nervous about going to see her the first session. Ever since I knew sort of what had happened and how it might have affected me, I had thought that a counselor would, of dig into my mind and have me try to remember things that I know, might be there but haven’t come up. The first session she stated she wasn’t a digger and I was so relived. She believes that if you remember something, you remember, but if you don’t, she’s not going to look for it.

For as long as I can remember, whenever I was in an uncomfortable situation, a situation where someone is yelling at or near me or I’m in a new place, I would turn invisible. I would just be as still and quiet as I could be, mom tells me she has never seen someone breathe that quietly before, but it’s what used to keep my safe. Now that I’m twenty almost twenty-one, that instinct or coping skill is no longer needed. However; because I’ve done it my entire life, I don’t know I am doing it until, I’ve dug myself too deep and I can’t get back up from being the quiet, invisible girl in the group or at the workplace. Since I have started seeing our lovely counselor, she has suggested I try a couple new coping skills to still be safe and me. Part of it is to go or do something I wouldn’t normally do, like going into a store that I’ve never been into. Doing something small, but safe, alone. So far, they are going great, Martina and I went shopping with a friend to a place we have never been, and tonight we are going to dinner with a group for a birthday dinner.

Every job I’ve had, have been in customer service. You know, the place where everyone goes when they have a problem? Yeah, I’ve only worked there. At work, I am normally at the Customer Service Desk which is, as we know, usually where all the angry customers come to yell and accuse. I had an upset customer come to the desk while I was working. He didn’t really yell at me, but he was already angry and was set to yell at someone. He raised his voice at me, and I shrunk. I shrunk into myself so much that I felt very small. The only reason he was upset was, because we didn’t have the item he had ordered. After explaining that I could call the vendor to try to figure out what’s going on, he took down my name and left. After he had left, the vendor didn’t answer. I asked my head cashier if she would call back the customer because I couldn’t get yelled at for not having the information he wanted, when she asked why, I told her, “PTSD, trauma and yelling don’t mix well.” She shrugged it off and laughed. I then asked a manager and told him the same thing when asked why, he sort of chuckled but, he told me he would. The next day I had an email from my manager saying that he had contacted the customer and taken care of everything. It was that interaction, that small interaction, where he didn’t even have to yell at me for me to shrink and try to be invisible that I thought, “This is stupid! It’s your job to deal with people, he wasn’t even mad about anything you did!” This was a week before my first session. Now have new things to do when customers like that come to the desk, like putting up a “shield” in between the customer and I, so I know that it can’t and I shouldn’t let it get to me. I also am trying to remember not to shrink, but to stay the same or even get bigger, but to continue to stay calm. Not shrinking has taken a little longer than the shield, but I’m working on it, and that’s what matters.

Earlier this week an older lady came through my line, on one of those glorious days that I’m on a register, and when I got to ringing her up, she looked at me and said, “I just must tell you how gorgeous you are, you’re just so pretty. I love the way you act and your _____ personality!” she kept repeating this while I rang her up. Now, I don’t remember what she said about my personality, all I remember is a thought I had after she said it. All I thought was, “If you knew me, you wouldn’t think that.” However, after she told me that, I couldn’t stop smiling. I’ve also never had a negative thought like that, when someone has complimented or pointed out my personality. I don’t usually let strangers in long enough to see it. Until that moment. For a moment I let someone in, I let a stranger in, a new person that I didn’t know and I didn’t’ get hurt. I was still safe and nothing happened. Although the moment only lasted probably five minutes, the only thing that matters is that, someone saw me for me. Not what a stranger has made me.

Since my first session, I’ve decided that, I was given a very small demon from a someone I have never met, who has a hold on how I think and the way I have always acted, and I am going to get rid of it. It’s not mine to carry and not mine to deal with! I am tired and done, with thinking and acting in ways that are no longer helpful, and ways that don’t always keep me safe. I’m going to get rid of it, because a small child shouldn’t grow up thinking that this is how you must be to stay safe. It’s unfair and mean what that stranger left me, and I’m dealing with it and fixing what they did. 

Hey there!

Hey you guys,

       I didn’t realize until today that it had been two months since I last posted. But, since then we have been super busy. We got all moved in to the apartment. Last month we adopted two foster cats, only one of their profile cards had an actual breed. Martina’s cat is a Russian Blue mix named, Niklaus (Klaus-babe). He has one and a half ears, because he has a hematoma scar on his left ear. They told us he also has chronic upper respiratory issue, but we haven’t noticed anything weird, other than he sneezes often. My cat is a domestic short hair named, Lewi (Lew-Bug). He has taken a month to warm up to us, but, now he is very loving and he reaches up your leg to get loves.

Niklaus

Lewi

We have gone through three different types of litter boxes, because of Klaus. He plays in them like a sand box…we first got a regular one, so it was short. That didn’t work, so we got one that came with an attachment that made the sides taller, we thought that would work. But we now have a third, so it didn’t work. The last one has a lid with a door. We no longer have litter on the floor. However, Lewi didn’t really like going through the door, so now it doesn’t have a door.

                

           We both now work at Lowe’s very much; our little brother works at Domino’s and is moving is with us and it’s great! We’ve been so busy with work that we haven’t been able to go out and see mom very often. Sunday, we are going out for a Father’s Day dinner. We did manage, by some miracle, to make it to Carter’s graduation right after we got off work.

Until next month!

My life is so much better!

Last November I thought my life was never going to get better, I thought it was over and nothing was going to make me happy again. Well, it's five months later, I have an awesome job, with fun people, and I'm packing to move into an apartment with Martina. 

Two days ago, Martina and I went to look at apartments. We put in an application for The Park Apartments, and she told us that she would get back to us by Friday about whether everything went through. We didn't think anything was going to happen because we had been calling places for weeks with no response. So, when we got the email saying what apartment we have and when we can move in, we were excited! 

I am so happy with where my life is right now. I have a reliable car, an excellent job, and now I have my own apartment. I honestly don't think my life would be like this if I wasn't broken up with. It's kind of a sad thought, that if I was still in a relationship, I wouldn't have everything I have now. But it's true. I wouldn't have wanted to move, or to get a better job.